You're Not Me vs I'm Not You

Make America Great Again

This is the famous--or infamous--slogan for Donald Trump's campaign. But this slogan has been a favorite for GOP presidential candidates for as long as I've been out of diapers...at the very least. This begs the question: When exactly was America great? Or the better question: What exactly made America so great? (Before I continue, I'd like to disclaim that since the slogan has been used for at least as long as I've been alive, I do not claim that I've ever experienced or lived in a "great" America. I hope to at least attempt an answer at the latter question.) 

PC: IBTimes

One reason that I've heard is the absence of political correctness--or, more positively worded, "fearless speaking." People could speak and debate with one another using "offensive" terms--loosely used here--without the fear of offending their conversational partner. And I think that this lack of fear of offense was mainly due to a mutual understanding that each partner had of each other's unique life experiences, whether they were close friends, pen pals, or complete strangers. This is the kind of mutual understanding that comes from selfless thinking/acts that come from the recognition that everyone has unique experiences in life. This seems almost if not completely absent in our debates with other people, especially with strangers over the Internet. Specifically, part of the problem could be the rise of the Internet and the vast audience that it brings us in our debates, but I plan to focus more generically on two separate kinds of attitudes. People, when in any kind of conversation, need to recognize two distinct attitudes to have--"you're not me" and "I'm not you"--and the implications of both of these attitudes.

What is "You're Not Me?"

PC: toonclips.com

What exactly does it mean when someone says/thinks "you're not me?" I think that it is an attitude that somehow emphasizes one's own self experiences, especially as better or more significant than another person's, in order to elevate his/her own position in an argument. There are two common methods I could relay the "you're not me" message, the first being elevating myself and the second being belittling the other person.
An example of the first method: When the stereotypical working husband is busy watching football and his cliche housewife is doing all the cooking but needs the trash taken out, the husband will go on to complain (or explain, depending on your point of view) how difficult his day was; as a result, the husband has elevated his own experience over the wife's.
An example of the second: Anytime an Internet debate goes on, without exception, there will be that one guy (or gal) who brings up the words "ignorant" and/or "education/educated." In this popular case, one commenter assumes that those in the same thread are less educated in comparison, thus belittling them in an attempt to justify their (false?) expertise.

Why Does That Matter?

I personally see this attitude every day with the majority of people I encounter. This is normal: Everyone wants to feel special! And no, this isn't just exclusive to the Gen Y/Millennial kids; Baby Boomers/Gen X folks want to flaunt what they've worked for too. However, this attitude might be what's contributing to the death of our society. 

Essentially, it says "you are less than me." Obviously, breaking it down in this way, we can see the problems that this line of thinking brings. The problems that I want to focus on are our self experiences and the potential dialogue that it closes.

PC: jacksfilms

Firstly, saying "you're not me" is a negative comparison of our self experiences--it essentially says that one's experiences is better than another's. This is occasionally acceptable with people we know since we were actually part of their self experiences, but it's completely unacceptable with people we don't know, especially over the Internet because we can't just assume a whole life's story by looking at a profile picture or even part of a Facebook bio. Especially in debate/persuasion, this closes off any present dialogue as well as future. We see this all the time on the Internet: Once the name calling starts, there is no rational debate for the next 50 comments. 

Because of this attitude, NO ONE LISTENS to each other. We instead try to find everything wrong with the other person, or we only hear what we want just to refute any comment they make or elevate our own. And in an educational debate, as we've seen with this year's MTV-style presidential race, it doesn't work.

"I'm Not You"

The second attitude is "I'm not you." This attitude is a 2-part approach. Step 1 is Recognition: It's a recognition that the other person's self experiences are not our own, thus we can never fully understand where they're coming from. Step 2 is much more complicated: Listen. Often, we're so busy trying to think of our next rebuttal or ways to discredit others that we miss the whole argument.
So where do we see this? We see it in the humble, and we see it in the calm. We all love it when a person doesn't act like a know-it-all, and we seek counsel from those who can see the eye of the storm in the midst of our chaos.

It Matters

The effects of this attitude is clearly opposite from that of the first one. Mathematically, it says, "I'm less than or equal to you." Here, I don't mean "less than" as in "less than a human being." I just mean to acknowledge the more humble approach to this attitude. However, I want to emphasize the equality portion. Here, I mean that, though we recognize the difference in our experiences, no one person's is more special than another's.

PC: CBS News

This separates the good leaders from the bad. We like it when our bosses understand when we have bad days; we like it when our teachers realize our home life is different from our school life; we like it when our politicians connect with us. Why? Because it seems like they genuinely care! 

When someone appears to genuinely care about us, we have a desire to open up more. This opening up leads to more personal stories, which allows that person to know more about us. That knowledge, in turn, leads to conceptual understanding of our background. Better understanding brings about sympathy. And, with sympathy, comes mercy. And that just might be more of what the world needs.

Don't get me wrong...

...there's always a time and place to be a braggart: College/job applications, family reunions...heck, sometimes you need to remind your best friend that you worked your tail off to get into Wake Forest. But if we want to "make America great again," we need to cut back on arguing like 4-year-olds and being nitpicky trolls, and we need to start listening.

But hey, don't take it from me. Be FREE thinkers, everyone!

I apologize for how late this post was after my intro! Hopefully, being on summer break will give me time to publish a couple more frequent posts.